I am piloting my Fortis, a Retriever-class vessel, as I record these thoughts. My sensors are showing rats and a viscous Pyroxeres and not much else. The Hobgoblins can handle the rats while my mining drones continue their methodical and efficient extraction of the Pyroxeres.
Of all the activities that a Capsuleer can engage in New Eden, it is only in mining that one can truly feel peace (even if it is brief) and be one with one’s reflections and thoughts.
To fully embrace my solitude, I turn off my audio sensors and turn on my audio recordings of Sebastian Bach. The rhythms soothe my soul and calm my mind, and thoughts start to pour in to the empty spaces. Memories of my beginnings, my newfound immortality, and my plans for the future.
BEGINNINGS
I was not a product of Caldari’s Capsuleer program rather I am a product of a prop bet between 2 Capsuleers. The prop bet is “any human can become a Capsuleer”. On hindsight, this is obviously and logically wrong but gambling is never logical nor does it care for right or wrong. It is simply following and indulging one’s urge to feel that thrill of winning and losing.
The 2 Capsuleers did just that. I believe they wagered a huge amount of ISK (not including the cost to sabotage my process, as well as the cost to prevent such sabotage). It was costly but they had fun which was their intent all along.
By sheer luck or miracle, I happen to survive the process. My sponsor was estatic, and feeling more than generous he somehow was able to bribe or rather influence one of the directors of the Caldari Science and Trade Institute to grant me a valid pilot license (for 21 days).
Thereafter, without much fanfare and ceremony, he simply gifted me with an Ibis and the above Sebastian Bach recordings, and then bid farewell. He simply did not care for my welfare or future, nor my queries on how I will contact my family back in Caldari, being that I was forced to be a part of such a stupid bet. He simply warp off (typical Capsuleer reaction) with the belief that I will ultimately die.
The Science and Trade Institute was also not “friendly” nor accommodating. It wanted me out of the Institute as soon as possible. So, I accelerated my training with them and thereafter went to Jita to find a way to earn ISK. Buying small items and selling them in faraway trade hubs was my main source of ISK for a length of time, until I became a student in EVE University (the specifics as to how it happen, is saved for another time).
IMMORTALITY
Being in EVE University provided me not only friends and resources, but the time to finally face my present reality – my immortality.
Being immortal, or immortality for that matter is boring, due to the fact that time can no longer coerce me to do anything. Figuratively speaking, I have infinity to do nothing. Unlike my past life wherein the certainty of growing old and dying pushed me to work hard and to fight for my dreams.
Mortality at its core pushes one to work and to create change within the environment he/she lives in, for the alternative for not doing so is death. This is clearly shown in the hours and minutes in a day which becomes a metric to get things done and to move ahead. Immortality removes such push or urge, even said metric.
Due to such, most of the new Capsuleers I interacted and flew with simply gave up and opted to not renew their Pilot License. The reason is boredom. Bored because there were no metrics to follow. No levels to climb. In short, they still maintained the mentality of a mortal and did not embrace an immortal’s perception and perspective.
The perception and perspective of an immortal is a life without time. A life wherein the driving force is one’s goals and plans regardless if it will take decades to achieve. An immortal does not care if it will take him ages to build his corporation or to defeat his/her enemies, he or she simply keeps going and executes his/her plans or objectives until it is done. In essence, time is no longer an issue.
Personally, I started with a mortal’s mentality. I automatically looked for metrics that I could follow, short of getting employed in a Caldari bureacracy, but to no avail because I was overqualified for the job. In short, they won’t hire a Capsuleer for a lowly clerk position in some godforsaken outpost.
After failing to find a metric, I drifted and joined the masses of bored new Capsuleers in doing missions, trading and solo mining operation without any clear plan or goal. We simply do these things in the hope that it will yield satisfaction or enjoyment. We were asking New Eden to make us happy.
A stupid and absurd proposition, and due to such nothing came out of it. New Eden simply did not care whether we lived or died. It simply continued its cycle and progress.
During this time most of my fellow Capsuleers started to drift towards piracy or joined World War Bee, and a few of them stayed active during the war and became full members of Pandemic Horde, MBC and so forth, while the rest simply died away.
At the end of my rope, I was already contemplating putting an end to immortal life, for I saw nothing of value that I could hold on to. The ships that I can pilot are always prone to destruction, even my own pod is not safe. As to my ISK, it is tiny amount compared to the trillions owned by the “Methuselahs” of New Eden.
As I looked into the life of a Methuselah, it dawned on me that their longevity is not tied on what New Eden can give, but rather on their own inner drive to shape New Eden in ways that suit their various purposes or goals. New Eden to them is not planets in a vast space, but rather a clay for them to mould and shape.
This hit me like a thunderbolt, as it made me realize that I had it all wrong. I should not be looking at New Eden for purpose and happiness, but rather I should look deep within me for said purpose and happiness.
Equipped with my newfound wisdom, I was consumed with godlike urgency to trade and earn ISK, as I scrambled to raise enough money to renew my Pilot License. I braved low-sec and null-sec areas of New Eden in order to make that profitable trade, that last trade in order for me to PLEX.
THE FUTURE
After having survived the rush to PLEX, I now look ahead to the future. To be honest, it will be chaotic and filled with uncertainty, for such is life in New Eden. However, I am confident that I will survive and thrive, for time is on my side.
As to what exactly I will do, let’s just say that it’s centered on the business of paying it forward.
PARTING SHOT
I hear the ORCA pilot on comms asking all miners to warp to another belt. I turned off my audio and reconnected my being with the ship. I now hear, feel and see the belt ahead as I engage my warp drives.
However, in the back of my mind, I hope that this recording will be a guide to new Capsuleers (even if I am no longer in existence). That they may learn to find meaning within themselves rather than depend on New Eden for fulfillment and happiness. May they learn to mould New Eden as they pursue their destiny.
(Fly Safe, and thank you for taking the time to read my post. Please do post your comments below or add me in twitter: Ian Tucenghi (@IanTucenghi). I highly appreciate the same.)
