Comments

100 Proof Pod JuiceMany of EVE’s greatest moments are the result of incredible minds planning and executing complex plans. Amazing fleet doctrines and flawless logistical networks orchestrated in symphonic perfection, raining death upon the unfortunate. These moments are the stuff of legend and pilots and non-pilots alike avidly read every detail. My fellow writers here at EN 24 bring you these tales of galactic conflict with professionalism and panache’.

Other members of this fraternity of the pen (ok, keyboard), offer in depth evaluations of the complex mechanics and mathematics which are at the heart of EVE. Charts, graphs, and equations peel back the pixelated veil and help each of us better prepare ourselves for whatever form of conflict we engage in, be it by auto-cannon, mining laser, or market order.

EVE is one of the gaming world’s most cerebral games and the members of the EVE Online media are in my humble opinion some of the sharpest tools in the shed; and then there’s me. I have a post-it note on my screen to remind me how the mouse works. EVE for me, means a fifth of Jim Beam and a jar of sweet pickles. Some of my best moments in EVE are buried in my mind under a pile of vanquished brain cells. I want to high light the other side of EVE, my side, the dark seething underbelly of the galaxy. I want your stories of glorious shame. The crazy tales of plan’s that “Seemed like a good idea” at the time.

I’ll start the ball rolling with my own high/low point. A few buddies and I were running a gate camp in WD-VTV. We had a handful of frigates and a couple cruiser hovering around some anchored warp disruption bubbles looking for easy kills and waiting for the inevitable fleet to send us running and screaming. By this point in the evening I was pretty well hammered and the combination of too much bourbon and a prostate the size of a moon, had me squirming in my seat. It was rapidly becoming a question of where I was going to piss rather than when. My besotted brain search for a solution. I knew the moment I stepped away from the key board an invading hoard hostiles would fall upon us and I did not want to let my comrades down. Then inspiration struck like a 1400 arty. Earlier in the day I had consumed a delicious bottle of Gatorade to wash down a bucket of fried chicken. Where my wife would see trash, I saw a convenient portable urinal. Standing up, I prepared to empty my bladder. The heavens opened up and angels sang as I transferred by the Gatorade I had warmed to a steaming 98 degrees. It was pure bliss and my drunken brain was smiling smugly at its genius. Then the empty space in the bottle started reaching alarming levels of smallness. Panic now kicked smugness right I the balls and I watched in powerless terror. The good Lord loves idiots and fools (that’s why there are so many of us) and my bladder held just a few drops less that the capacity of the bottle. I screwed the top back on and returned my focus to staring dully at the gate. Shortly thereafter the anticipated fleet arrived and I was exploded and podded with savage efficiency. The darkness over took me and I shuffled my old ass off to bed.

Bright and early the next morning I was back at my keyboard seeking to soothe my pride, wounded at the hands of a more potent combat force. Of course there is no better way to forget a combat loss than by bathing in the blood of an unarmed miner. I set out in search of some poor toothless prey upon which I could vent my frustration. A few of my buddies joined in and we were having a good time. As we wandered around Catch, I gorged myself a capsuleer’s breakfast of Doritos, some random cheese from the refrigerator, and a jar of olives. It was a great way to start the day, made even better by a cool swig of Gatorade. . . . Holy Hell that’s PISS! There was a cruel evil moment in between relishing the thought of Gatorade and recoiling at the reality of a mouthful of urine, during which I wasn’t sure what I had in my mouth. It is truly horrifying how similar Gatorade is to a drunk’s piss and my brain struggled to process just what to do. Looking back I am sure this inner turmoil took only a fraction of a second but at the time it seemed a neon yellow eternity. Once full realization had set in, I jumped from the keyboard and rushed to the bathroom to spew the contents of my mouth into the toilet. There is not enough toothpaste in existence to scrub clean my soiled oral cavity but I sure as hell tried. My wife would later remark at the curious speed at which we had gone through the toothpaste but I stayed mute on the subject.

To my corp-mates and now to you, I have been more forthcoming, mainly because I don’t plan on kissing any of you and more importantly, because I know some of you will understand. I know this universe we share is full of fellow reprobates and degenerates. Send me your stories so that I may share them with the universe. For those out there who prefer to remain anonymous I will respect your privacy and use a nomme de plume of your choosing.

Your Drinking Buddy,
Rupert Foulmouth

 

634 Comments

  1. Thank youThanks for the auspiciousgood writeup. It if truth be toldin factactuallyin realityin truth used to bewaswas once a entertainmentamusementleisureenjoyment account it. GlanceLook complexcomplicatedadvanced to farmore broughtintroducedaddeddelivered agreeable from you! By the wayHowever, how cancould we keep in touchkeep up a correspondencecommunicatebe in contact?

    May 26, 2019 at 00:33 Reply
  2. GreatWonderfulFantasticMagnificentExcellent beat ! I wish towould like to apprentice while you amend your siteweb sitewebsite, how cancould i subscribe for a blog siteweb sitewebsite? The account aidedhelped me a acceptable deal. I had been tinya little bit acquainted of this your broadcast providedoffered bright clear conceptidea

    May 26, 2019 at 15:44 Reply
  3. I wantedI neededI want toI need to to thank you for this greatexcellentfantasticwonderfulgoodvery good read!! I definitelycertainlyabsolutely enjoyedloved every little bit ofbit of it. I haveI’ve gotI have got you bookmarkedbook markedbook-markedsaved as a favorite to check outto look at new stuff youthings you post…

    May 27, 2019 at 16:47 Reply
  4. HiHello, Neat post. There isThere’s a probleman issue with yourtogether with youralong with your siteweb sitewebsite in internetweb explorer, maymightcouldwould checktest this? IE stillnonetheless is the marketplacemarket leaderchief and a largea gooda biga huge part ofsection ofcomponent toportion ofcomponent ofelement of other folksfolksother peoplepeople will leave outomitmisspass over your greatwonderfulfantasticmagnificentexcellent writing due tobecause of this problem.

    May 28, 2019 at 02:31 Reply
  5. My close friend and I have been talking about individual blogs and on-line journaling. She feels that individual feelings as well as such need to not expressed in such open online forums. I see not a problem with it. Share your thoughts:. 1. Do you blog or journal?. 2. Do you choose face to face expression of sensations over composed communication?.

    May 31, 2019 at 05:22 Reply
  6. Keep on workingthis going pleaseon writing, great job!

    May 31, 2019 at 10:38 Reply
  7. Factorio is a game in which you build and maintain factories. … with huge solar fields, oil refining and cracking, manufacture and deployment of construction and …

    June 1, 2019 at 01:14 Reply
  8. You cancould definitelycertainly see your enthusiasmexpertiseskills in thewithin the articlework you write. The arenaThe worldThe sector hopes for moreeven more passionate writers like yousuch as you who aren’tare not afraid to mentionto say how they believe. AlwaysAll the timeAt all times go afterfollow your heart.

    June 3, 2019 at 00:34 Reply
  9. It’s an awesomeremarkableamazing articlepostpiece of writingparagraph fordesigned forin favor ofin support of all the internetwebonline userspeopleviewersvisitors; they will takegetobtain benefitadvantage from it I am sure.

    June 4, 2019 at 00:20 Reply
  10. Today, I went to the beachbeachfrontbeach front with my kidschildren. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She putplaced the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is completelyentirelytotally off topic but I had to tell someone!

    June 5, 2019 at 00:23 Reply
  11. Saved as a favoritebookmarked!!, I really likeI likeI love your blogyour siteyour web siteyour website!

    June 5, 2019 at 22:53 Reply
  12. HelloHey thereHeyGood dayHowdyHi thereHello thereHi! Would you mind if I share your blog with my facebooktwitterzyngamyspace group? There’s a lot of peoplefolks that I think would really enjoyappreciate your content. Please let me know. ThanksCheersThank youMany thanks

    June 6, 2019 at 16:41 Reply
  13. Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive read anything like this before. So nice to find somebody with some original thoughts on this subject. realy thank you for starting this up. this website is something that is needed on the web, someone with a little originality. useful job for bringing something new to the internet!

    June 6, 2019 at 22:48 Reply
  14. I thinkI feelI believe this isthat is one of theamong the so muchsuch a lotmost importantsignificantvital informationinfo for me. And i’mi am satisfiedgladhappy readingstudying your article. HoweverBut wannawant toshould observationremarkstatementcommentary on fewsome generalcommonbasicnormal thingsissues, The websitesiteweb site tastestyle is perfectidealgreatwonderful, the articles is in point of factactuallyreallyin realitytruly excellentnicegreat : D. Just rightGoodExcellent taskprocessactivityjob, cheers

    June 7, 2019 at 10:35 Reply
  15. This articlepostpiece of writingparagraph is reallyactuallyin facttrulygenuinely a nicepleasantgoodfastidious one it helpsassists new internetwebnetthe web userspeopleviewersvisitors, who are wishing forin favor of blogging.

    June 8, 2019 at 10:52 Reply
  16. This is a topic that isthat’swhich is close tonear to my heart… CheersMany thanksBest wishesTake careThank you! WhereExactly where are your contact details though?

    June 9, 2019 at 15:03 Reply
  17. thanks for post this content

    June 10, 2019 at 16:48 Reply
  18. I wantedI neededI want toI need to to thank you for this greatexcellentfantasticwonderfulgoodvery good read!! I definitelycertainlyabsolutely enjoyedloved every little bit ofbit of it. I haveI’ve gotI have got you bookmarkedbook markedbook-markedsaved as a favorite to check outto look at new stuff youthings you post…

    June 11, 2019 at 09:47 Reply
  19. evening dress

    June 11, 2019 at 12:59 Reply
  20. HelloGreetingsHey thereHeyGood dayHowdyHi thereHello thereHi! I know this is kindakind ofsomewhat off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could findgetlocate a captcha plugin for my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having troubledifficultyproblems finding one? Thanks a lot!

    June 11, 2019 at 21:27 Reply
  21. HeyHey thereHiHello, I think your blogwebsitesite might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your blogblog sitewebsite in FirefoxSafariIeChromeOpera, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, greatawesomeamazingvery goodsuperbterrificwonderfulfantasticexcellent blog!

    June 12, 2019 at 10:19 Reply
  22. What websites and blogs do the surfing neighborhood interact most on?

    June 12, 2019 at 16:30 Reply
  23. I alwaysall the timeevery time used to readstudy articlepostpiece of writingparagraph in news papers but now as I am a user of internetwebnet sothustherefore from now I am using net for articlespostsarticles or reviewscontent, thanks to web.

    June 12, 2019 at 21:56 Reply
  24. You shouldYou ought toYou need to take part inbe a part of a contest for one of the bestof the greatestof the finestof the highest qualityof the most useful blogssiteswebsites on the webon the interneton the netonline. I willI am going toI most certainly willI’m going to recommendhighly recommend this sitethis websitethis blogthis web site!

    June 13, 2019 at 09:25 Reply
  25. Good read, enjoyed it!

    June 13, 2019 at 14:07 Reply
  26. Having read this I thought it wasI believed it was veryreallyextremelyrather informativeenlightening. I appreciate you taking the timefinding the timespending some time and effortand energy to put this articlethis short articlethis informative articlethis informationthis content together. I once again find myselfmyself personally spending way too mucha significant amount ofa lot of time both reading and commentingleaving commentsposting comments. But so what, it was still worth itworthwhile!

    June 13, 2019 at 19:20 Reply
  27. HeyHey thereHiHello, I think your blogwebsitesite might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your blogblog sitewebsite in FirefoxSafariIeChromeOpera, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, greatawesomeamazingvery goodsuperbterrificwonderfulfantasticexcellent blog!

    June 14, 2019 at 10:37 Reply
  28. This is aThat is a very goodgreatgoodreally good tip especiallyparticularly to those new tofresh to the blogosphere. BriefShortSimple but very accurateprecise informationinfo… Thanks forThank you forMany thanks forAppreciate your sharing this one. A must read articlepost!

    June 15, 2019 at 12:11 Reply
  29. I’mI am now notnotno longer surepositivecertain wherethe place you areyou’re getting your infoinformation, howeverbut goodgreat topic. I needs tomust spend a whilesome time studyinglearningfinding out moremuch more or working outunderstandingfiguring out more. Thank youThanks for greatwonderfulfantasticmagnificentexcellent informationinfo I used to beI was looking forin search ofon the lookout forsearching for this informationinfo for my mission.

    June 15, 2019 at 21:30 Reply
  30. PrettyVery nice post. I just stumbled upon your blogweblog and wantedwished to say that I haveI’ve reallytruly enjoyed browsingsurfing around your blog posts. In any caseAfter all I’llI will be subscribing to your feedrss feed and I hope you write again soonvery soon!

    June 16, 2019 at 10:51 Reply
  31. I reallyI trulyI seriouslyI absolutely love your blogyour siteyour website.. Very niceExcellentPleasantGreat colors & theme. Did you createdevelopmakebuild this websitethis sitethis web sitethis amazing site yourself? Please reply back as I’m looking totrying toplanning towanting tohoping toattempting to create my ownmy very ownmy own personal blogwebsitesite and would like towant towould love to knowlearnfind out where you got this from or what theexactly what thejust what the theme is calledis named. ThanksMany thanksThank youCheersAppreciate itKudos!

    June 16, 2019 at 22:43 Reply
  32. HelloHi there, simplyjust turned intobecamewasbecomechanged into aware ofalert to your blogweblog thruthroughvia Google, and foundand located that it isit’s reallytruly informative. I’mI am gonnagoing to watch outbe careful for brussels. I willI’ll appreciatebe grateful if youshould youwhen youin the event youin case youfor those whoif you happen to continueproceed this in future. A lot ofLots ofManyNumerous other folksfolksother peoplepeople will beshall bemight bewill probably becan bewill likely be benefited from yourout of your writing. Cheers!

    June 17, 2019 at 11:07 Reply

Leave a Reply