Today at 20:00 EVE server “Battle Of The Blobs” a PvP event between BNI verse RvB, and TEST Alliance went down. Over 3810 ships were destroyed, most of which cruisers. In total the bloodbath cost pilots on both sides of the conflict over 121 billion Isk. A battle report of the event is still being updated.

Pictures of some of the fighting can be found here, here, and here.

Shortly after the fight this message was posted to Reddit by Semtex:

Brothers! The stats will be posted, the kill boards updated and many proud Reddit posts with graphs, charts, and photos will be made. This is not one of those posts.

Today was the day which the Great Noob foresaw. Today was the day in which we all remembered to bring ammo and drones. Today was the day when RvB was routed and TEST humiliated! Yes…Today was even more than that.
Today was the first time when Newbies both old and brand new were led in the largest BNI fleet action of all time since the dim and distant days of the Great Hekxodus.

Today the prayers of Newbies went up to the Great Noob as we silently intoned the ‘Psalm of Welping’ which has not been prayed with such fervor since the Great Welp Fleets of the Vestouve Deployment!

Today I saw two FCs get alphaed and a third one step into the chaos. I heard the Logi FC scrambling to preserve his ships as they were attacked by a new fleet. I saw squadrons of Caracals smite our foes and strike fear into their cowardly hearts. I saw our Thoraxes, who were so numerous, blot out the light from their dying sun! I saw Brave Logi selflessly repping ships even though they themselves were being killed! I saw our Fast Tackle pursue and hound our urine scented foes as they tried to flee! I heard voices of some brothers who wanted to run for a gate and cower as our ships began to die……..BUT! One clear (probably bourbon infused) voice said ‘Fuck that! We will fight here and die!”

Today we finally matured as a Collective and brought honor and glory to our Founding Noob Fathers! Brothers, the Great Noob has blessed us with countless enemies fleeing from our wrath in their Pods of Shame! HE has given us fields of salvage beyond the dream of mere Noobs! HE has proven that the vision of the Great Noob; to include NewBros and BitterVets into an unstoppable tide of DPS has finally come to pass!

Brothers, after today’s tremendous victory, I know you can all be proud of our Collective determination and Bravery! In short guys….we didn’t fuck up like the Second BS Roam!!! It was an absolute honor and a supreme kick in the ass to have flown with you Today!

Oh yeah, for all of the NewBros I’ve included the Psalm of Welping as taught to us in Vestouve by Motre when we were tempted to piss ourselves (and our capsules).

From the Book of Noob Armaments Chapter 5 Psalm of Welping

“The FC is my leader: I shall not whine. He maketh me shut my yap on comms. He leadeth me recklessly into nul-sec. He restoreth my ship when I die. He leadeth me into boubon fuelled assaults on TEST.

Yea though I fly into Goon controlled space, I will fear no welping: For my clone is updated My SEBO and launcher, they comfort me. He preparest a field of salvage over our defeated enemies. He annointest my pod with bourbon; my overdrives runneth over!

Surely noobness and stupidity shall follow me all my days in Barleguet, and I will dwell in the House of the Noob forever.”

May the bourbon be with you.

7o Semtex

  • Alison King

    hmm sounds good , is there going to be a feed of this or has everyone died?>

  • Kamar Raimo

    Had to laugh at “TEST should not to be underestimated” Well I guess from BNI perspective that figures.

    Good luck everyone. Just when I’m leaving Placid.

  • tara read

    15% Tidi. Wasn’t fun : (

    • Black n Blue

      It wasn’t called battle of the blobs for nothing.

  • Mr Majesty

    heavy TIDI fights are about as “awesome” as watching mayonnaise dry

  • ally teams please

    eve doesn’t scale well.
    tidi fights suck donkey balls.

  • splockster

    best battle report ever 🙂 well done brave newbies o/

  • lilh8rboi


  • arkady

    Guy just draw comparisons between The valley in the shadow of death, and Deklein. My e-peen is enormous right now.

  • abc123

    Boring – Hey Semtex – Getting a bunch of F1 – follow anchor Newbies and make them feel relevant. Nothing new.
    Spouting propaganda all over the forums, Eve24, and other troll sites and acting like you are creating new content and care about new pilots. You just doing what goons did with there rifter gangs – Nothing new.
    But hey I get it. You want to the next Mittani or Sir Molle and want to a relevant force in EVE – Again nothing new.
    And since you are on the Nothing New Path, don’t forget to go to Providence and Whip up on them Daycare pets of CVA so you think you are relevant too, like all the other loser Alliances in the game have done in the past to CVA and there pets to make there pilots feel relevant in eve. Then when we are not fighting a real fight against N3 and CFC and have down time. Our pilots wont have to travel far to have some entertainment sending your regurgitated, recycled propaganda fleets back to empire. Then you will have experience the reality of EVE Online.

    • Alison King

      boring abc , you sound mad ? you mad bro ?

    • Semtex

      Hey! I had no idea that my silly-ass propaganda post on Reddit would ever end up here! It sure wasn’t my intention to denegrate our worthy opponents in this fight nor was I ever expecting to have my post taken seriously by anyone. RvB and TEST arranged this fight with us and it was only our dumb luck, some decent FCs, and overwhelming numbers that saw us through to victory. It was a complete kick in the head even with the tidi and my poor computer dying a slow thermal death to be part of the festivities.
      In BNI we try to have a lot of fun and laugh not only at ourselves but at our enemies. My hyperbolic satire was not supposed to be a ‘real’ AAR. Shit, I don’t believe anyone in BRAVE even wrote an AAR for that matter! I’m surprised and a bit honored that Peach Tea found my post and used it here. Thanks for the opportunity to say my piece and 7o to RvB, TEST and all who have posted here!

  • Tubrug1

    “3810 ships were destroyed, most of which cruisers. In total the bloodbath cost pilots on both sides of the conflict over 121 billion Isk”
    That’s completely wrong. Also your link to the ‘battle report’ links to Brave’s alliance details.
    Just another day at EN24.

  • Bounce

    Huurrraah BNI and props to Semtex for a witty BNI report. Any bitchin below is bitter vets pissing there pants, thinking they might be next on the noob kill board larfs

  • Ganked

    Who on earth did the reporting for this? The amount of ships destroyed is horribly inaccurate.
    Also RvB was split into 3 separate fleets and were shooting each other as well as BNI. Did you ask for the battle report in Jita local?