The following piece was submitted to us.
Glorious Battle Report of Great Wormhole Justice in J133525 – Grand Wizards Of Justice Vs Awakened
The Great People’s Wizard Army had spent many days preparing for the day we would destroy our imperialist Awakened enemies. We were joined by the Grand Polish Proletariat Red Snackbar Fleet Who Always Leave Someone Behind Because They’re Not American, and our Eternal Allies of BACK-DOOR Intrusion known to most as Verge of Collapse, but to us, simply “Bruce”.
Great Fearless Leader Nutmegpainter, General of a Thousand Dragons and Caller of Many Targets At The Same Time, led our initial fleet to the enemy’s back door in nullsec because it was that time of the month. Just as we had the enemy wormhole in sight, one of their cowardly scouts jumped out and spotted our masterful plan. Great Fearless Leader Nutmegpainter, General of a Thousand Dragons and Sayer of a Thousand Jumps, called for all brave pilots to JUMPBURNANDJUMPNOWJUMPJUMP.
As we jumped in, eager to deliver the People’s Justice to our Awakened targets and received fleet warps, it became clear to us that this would not be a normal fight. Fearless Leader Nutmegpainter, General of a Thousand Dragons and Provider of Hilarious Lossmails, had sent us into a fresh Core Garrison.
As we warp away, a wild Revelation appears from the enemy imperialist Awakened fleet and closes the nullsec hole before more of our brave comrades can join us in glorious battle. At this time, we land in the Core Garrison to find three enemy Lokis and an Archon. Great Fearless Leader Nutmegpainter, General of a Thousand Dragons and Provider of Worthy Content calls the Archon as our first target of justice and gives the signal to Log On All the Things.As all our Things are logging on, the enemies of Awakened Imperialism warp in several other Things and suddenly our glorious battle becomes a three way fight as more than 20 neutral Sleepless Guardians are shooting everything. Our Things then warp into the fight and more of their Things also join.
Stuff happens: Our Swaglthings swung their pimp canes, more stuff happens.As it becomes clear that the Sleeper Armies are going to win the three-way Glorious Battle of Wormhole Justice in J133525, Great Fearless Leader Nutmegpainter, General of a Thousand Dragons and He Who Didn’t Want That Nag Anyway gives the order to bravely warp out. Our fearless army obeys and a cloud of pods land on the enemy static. As we jump into the safety of the static, drunk with the knowledge that Great Justice has been done, we receive word from our brave scouts that the Sleeper Armies are continuing to deliver Awesome Justice to the Enemy Imperialist Awakened Fleet resulting in the destruction of even more enemy Things.
The final tally indicates that Great Justice was brought to the Imperialist Awakened enemy.
Battle Report – Accredited to Glorious Assistant Editor and Chief of Propaganda – Uncle Putz
