riverini’s note: Get ready for one of those “DAFUQ I just read?” stories, I found this one pretty amusing.
Tackled in Belt is a Christian corp, with, “hardworking individuals, that spend their free time playing EVE. We typically mine, mission, and run wormhole sites.” They are an easy going casual corp that lives in a C2 wormhole. “We always accept new members and help them learn the basics of EVE, allowing them to progress and develop their skills. We offer a free ventrilo server so we can chat with each other, and gain meaningful friendships that carry over into our [out of game] lives.”
“…and on the fifth day, the Lord said, ‘Let there be Capitals, and let the capitals be good and meek capitals. Let them come forth from the space-rocks and do no harm.’ And so there were Rorquals [the ones without combat drones in their drone bays]. And He saw that they were good. On the sixth day, God said let there be pilots to fly the great diggers and give them purpose. And there were pilots. And the Lord saw that it was good.”
~ Gospel according to Derek Chu 3:16
Roughly a year ago, they had a corp member, ELBE, join them. “He was a nice individual, helping the corp mine, setting up POS’s, helping us build capitals.” ELBE, thought that they should build a Rorqual inside of their Class 2 wormhole.
“At first we were skeptical because it required a bit of minerals and production, but the ability to compress ore greatly helped our process. We are a small corporation and are glad to make things more efficient. We continued our work for a few months, and then ELBE had stated he need to take a leave from EVE to get his life together. It was fine and we all understod, but we were concerned when he logged off and never logged back on with the Rorqual. We called and texted him, trying to get it back, so we could [continue operations] for the mean time. We became frustrated and eventually gave up.”
Months down the road, around the beginning of March, ELBE texted back and said that he was going to start playing EVE again. TIB gladly accepted him back in, and continued their work, now with the Rorqual again. Since the months ELBE was gone, TIB had decided that they would create a uniform look across the corporation. All members had to purchase a monocle. “An easy, relatively inexpensive thing to do. ELBE refused to do it, claiming it was a waste of isk and looked stupid.” TIB even said that they would help buy it with corp money. They bought him a monocle which he refused to wear.
“He got really moody and stole 23 billion from our alliance wallet. We noticed it and didnt say anything. We told ELBE we were going to be moving into a new POS in the wormhole, for reactions. We fleet warped his Rorqual to a planet and proceeded to shoot it. He got really mad and told us that he wanted to leave corp and do his own thing. We continued shooting his Rorqual…” At this point those of you that find yourselves a little breathless may want to get up and walk away. What happened next could only be described (in somewhat polite terms) as extraordinary. With only three rookie ships without point attacking and bump tackling his capital industrial ship:
ELBE has initiated self-destruct of their Rorqual, it will explode in 120 seconds.
The rest, as they say, is history.
“But the Lord God saw that pilots were misusing their great Rorquals. They did not log into EVE when beckoned. They did not wear their monocles on the sabbath day. And God saw that it was not good. And so He decreed the mighty fleetwarp and it did strike fear into the hearts of those that laid their eyes upon it. And God’s legions [er... rookie ships] laid fire upon the great Rorqual.”
Gospel of EVE 1:7
ELBE went back to highsec, blocked TIB, and refused to return the isk.
“I guess the moral of the story is, please wear a monocle when you’re requested.”
- Princess Saskia