With the current affairs in the North, it is clear that GoonSwarm Federation is thirsty for a tall glass of Kool-Aid. The Mittani haven’t disappointed.
In this post I’ll go through every single flaw and inaccuracy found on that CEO update. Some of my comments are nitpicks, others will give the GSF heads something to think before sleeping. Shall we?:
Debunking the GSF CEO Update – a Rebuttal.
GFS CEO UPDATE: NOT WINNING FAST ENOUGH
After the Great War, we began to encounter a new rationalization from our enemies: “You’re not
winning fast enough.” This got quite a few laughs out of us when we first heard it, since the
hoary old Great War vets think of grinding trench warfare with endless attrition – campaigns that
last for years – as the default method of winning wars in Eve.
I think this is the first time Goons has bitten off more than they could chew on and they know it. The stab at the “old Great War vets” is both sad and desperate, evoking five years old events in Eve Online is definitely funny to see specially when a good deal of those “vets” actually reside inside the CFC.
The Mittani is famous for his bully centric mindset, the same which took him out of the CSM despite blobbing the urns. I’ll skip the other bullshit paragraph which levels the DOT Bros to WhiteNoise, Raiden and SoCo standards. As much as he would like to spew shit on how the relentless pace of the war will turn in their favor, the truth is the CFC is running desperate after starting a war they didn’t needed. And the worst thing of this is they have been steadily making advancements on enemy territory, but not fast enough and the biggest the engine the sooner it goes out of fuel.
So now “Not Winning Fast Enough” is now the de facto standard of success our enemies are
using to measure themselves against us.
Exactly because during the Branch, Tenal and Delve invasion the chest beating turned mostly on how steadfastly the region was “steam-rolled”. Desperation has soared to a level where NAPing SOLAR FLEET isn’t just needed, but seemed as the “right thing to do” in wake of the situation at hand.
Our enemies typically envision themselves as Spartans, or Lions, or some other outnumbered-hero-dying-tragically, and if you just hold out long enough the loser actually wins through the retarded alchemy of pubbie thought.
No, that’s how you actually envision NCDOT and thanks for sharing it. The whole CEO update denotes a dash of what mental physicians call “psychological projection” – calling out a person or a group for pretty much what ever positive characteristic irritate you the most. Amusingly, this is exactly how anti-semitism is taught in Iran. In my six month tenure as Director inside NCDOT, I have never heard neither the NCDOT or the rest of the DOT Bros members calling themselves “Spartans” or “Lions” or which ever strong imagery Mittens tends to romanticize. But thanks for telling us how do you actually “see” the DOT Bros. What I do have seen is a culture where mistakes don’t go unpunished, people is actually careful with expensive toys and scoldings are given where needed.
I do have heard during the last few years GoonSwarm Federation calling themselves the Jihadist of Eve and Professional Douchebags, to much comunal pride. This is of course no longer fun, for obvious reasons. Poking fun at other players deaths was fun until about two weeks ago. And basically every single misfit cultural-trait of GoonSwarm Federation can be countered under the same premise. It is fun until it happens to you.
The problem, however, is that these easy victories erode our core skills as an alliance; they lead to
using outdated doctrines, atrophied timezones, and a sloppy, entitled way of thinking. War keeps
us strong, and it has been too long since we faced a real war.
When an FC tries to use a friend’s tragic and untimely demise to get fleet numbers from the largest entity in game you know something is just not right. The only skill your alliance truly have is to dogpile everyone and their mothers on a fleet, get them to anchor onto your FC, press F1 when told. Then file for ship reimbursement.
If dogpiling Drakes, maxing TiDi every time is possible and anchoring and pressing F1 and calling it a victory to be proud of isn’t a perfect showcase of “outdated doctrines, use of atrophied timezones, and a sloppy, entitled way of thinking” then I don’t know what it is.
ELO KNIGHT, SUPERSTAR
So we should thank our lucky stars for Elo Knight of Black Legion. Nominally, of course, we are fighting against NCdot for Venal, Tribute and Vale – but increasingly it is obvious that we fight against one exceptionally dedicated and skilled FC.
Dear God, no foreplay straight to nob polishing. What about SuperTwinkey69, Quesa, Alex Jabbez, Wicked Princess, Cleist, lan and the rest of the FCs? These are only the NCDOT ones I can remember. Saying Elo Knight is running all the fleets is akin of saying DaBigRedBoat is running all the CFC fleets, which is actually more likely than not.
But we know what’s going on here, every mindless horde of drone needs its Emmanuel Goldstein, a dictraction figure head to which materialize their problems and failures on to. Again Psychological projection in the works.
In almost every situation where NCdot has done well against us, it is Elo Knight leading them; the actual NCdot fcs – Supertwinkey, Soho and their ilk – seem to be kept around primarily to feed us Titan and Dread kills when they’re allowed out of daycare.
Woa! did I missed something? as far as I know the only side losing Supers in this war so far has been the CFC – five supers in fact (3 titans, 2 super-carriers) but those have been replaced ASAP and they didn’t wanted them anyways, so they are invalid kills despite the fact of getting Mittins an early-morning rage on every instance. Otherwise they would have been mentioned in this CEO Update.
There’s an oft-quoted axiom ascribed to Alexander the Great that goes something like this: “I’m more afraid of a hundred sheep led by a lion than a hundred lions led by a sheep”; it’s past time we began giving credit where credit is due and acknowledging that this war – our first real war in years – is mostly Elo’s doing. We should not be speaking of how NCdot is keeping us to a slow and steady advance instead of a steamroll, but Elo. Of course, NCdot has been loudly taking credit for their ‘defense’ on Kugutsumen – chestbeating mercilessly about blowing up some of our SBUs the other day, ignoring the fact that we took another pair of stations in Tribute and own all but four techs in the region – but beyond their delusions of grandeur, in reality they are holding
Elo Knight’s cape.
The Mittani! talking about delusions of grandeur. Wow, the hubris of this guy. He should put a website with his name on it and preach it as the indisputable truth while deleting dissenting voices on the comments section.
Yes, it’s true – Elo is madly in e-love with Wicked Princess of NCdot and that’s a bit creepy, but
he’s motivated, shows up in almost every timezone, and aggressively fights against incredible
Yikes, he went from a gentle handjob to “cock and ball torture”. Tell us more about this Elo-Wicked love thing, Do you want in?. See, anyone can blurt childish defamatory comments.
It is because of him that we have had to adapt our obsolete doctrines and fix our Sky Team, and it because of him that our newbies are at last learning what a real war is like.
Is this GoonTalk for “aw fuck” we need to rethink our strategy because we are not winning fast enough? No, Drakes are getting nerfed a bit and you know it.
It’s rather annoying when you see all the NCdot line members proudly taking credit for the work that he’s done, as if they were somehow responsible for it.
Yeah, because Elo Knight single-handily took the entire GoonSwarm armada with the help of a tea-cup (ala Ridick). Well at least we know someone has a crush on Elo Knight to the point of overlooking the fact of who makes up the bulk of the DOT Brothers fleet and which are the other active DOT Bros FCs. Maybe instead of gentle hand-strokes you could try offering him some Tech and Sov, if you haven’t tried already.
THE AU TZ PROJECT
That’s not entirely fair to NCdot, though. In one timezone, NCdot is capable and effective -
Australian time. We have never had a war in AU TZ; the last situation we found ourselves
dealing with a bunch of downtime timers was in a war against Ev0ke, who specialized in
just-before-dt sieges; the OTEC treaty meant that we have never had to develop an independent
and functional ANZAC presence, until now.
NCdot has a couple of very solid AU TZ corps: Van Diemen’s Demise and Invictus Australis. After losing every tech moon in Venal, all but four in Tribute, and half the region itself, NCdot caught a clue and began timing their structures to AU TZ, who are somehow independent and functional without Elo Knight doing everything. These guys are regularly dropping SBUs and attacking our SBUs; if it wasn’t for these two Aussie corps, all of Tribute would be a smoking wasteland, instead of just its western half.
But wait, you just spend several paragraphs crediting Elo Knight with the current state of the war? What is going on here!? Of course this wasn’t a consistent DOT Bros victories, but a time Zone Issue despite the times that if you check most of the timers and kills you will get a late USTZ instead of an aussie one. Damn Aussies! ~shakeshand~
We are interested in finally developing our own AU TZ, which is a difficult project. We have ANZACs aplenty, but they are a divided group, split up across not only GSF but other CFC alliances. Convicted and Razor both have significant ANZAC presences, but these disparate line members have not effectively been forged into a unified fighting force. We intend to change that.
Nothing new to see here, in fact he said the the same thing about a month ago during an Eve Radio interview:
We actively went out of our way to develop an Australian time zone presence with alliances like Convicted, in order to be able to counter this. One of the things that’s extremely rare in Australian time zone is having bloc-level FCs. There’s probably only about 15 bloc-level FCs in the entire game, and I know one who’s an Australian that I would trust with a 250 man fleet. When we found Tradik…it was like a gift from God because I’m like I have a guy in Australian time zone who can actually organize the few people and the night owls and the crazy Euros who got up early or whatever into a fighting force.
You haven’t developed anything, C0NVICTED was expelled from Delve when GENTs abandoned them to die. Tradik (a good ol’ Northern Coalition FC) got RL commitments so he’s out of the question how about you make a new call for AUTZ FCs:
However, we need advice from our Aussies and Kiwis. We have several plans and ideas – a combined and resurrected ANZAC squad (this time, one that doesn’t just smoke pot and mine in Omist, like the last time the squad was functional in 2008) or perhaps an ANZAC corp/alliance with more explicit direction; we’re also looking into ANZAC-specific doctrines to deal with the challenges of that timeslot. So please sound off ITT about what you, as an ANZAC, would like to see or think would help.
I’ll check within a month to see if you have to make a Third call for AUTZ FCs.
SO HOW IS THE WAR GOING, ANYWAY?
When your enemies have a massive back-slapping victory celebration over the mere fact that on one day when you didn’t have your usual FCs around they managed to kill some of your SBUs and reinforce some structures, you know that they doth protest too much.
Like every war, we plan for a meatgrinder, as no one does meatgrinders better than us. The usual meatgrinder plan follows these steps – call it Sov War 101:
So much wording for calling in the blobbing tactics, inspiring nevertheless.
●Take all the tech moons first
And watch them get reinforced to dry up the income while repeatedly losing Supers to dumb mistakes. Also reppin’ towers is fun!
●Spam SBUs to force the enemy to grind structures
While getting the same medicine handed on your Tribute sov.
●“Siege and Punt” stations and iHubs
●Blueball when you can’t win
Really? Haven’t you been blue-balling every single fight where you could not gather at least a 3 to 1 advantage since the start of the campaign?
●Crush the enemy embarrassingly when you can win
For every “embarrassing win” the DOT Bros get about ten of these:
Those are just the ones I managed to get from the top of my mind. Good trade.
This is hardly rocket science. In the past few years the enemy has broken before we even finish
taking their tech moons, but due to Elo we’re in a slow process of spamming SBU’s and
sieging/punting sov timers. We are making steady progress, though that has slowed down after
the enemy began relying on their AU TZ for defense.
We have learned a number of things during this war. First, we’ve learned that we needed to
update our doctrines, which we did.
No, you got word from CCP Games that Drakes and Canes are getting Nerfed – way before the announcement came in. You are now trying to herd the sheeples before is too late. What ensures you the enemy won’t simply change tactics to keep the pace up?
Then we learned that we needed to restructure our Sky Team, which is now running quite smoothly under Rydis and her assistants. Now we’re learning that we need to develop a more effective AU TZ presence. Meatgrinders force you to tighten up your game, and we’ve needed that; more importantly we’ve needed to teach our newbies what a real sov-war looks like.
At the macro-level the war is going quite smoothly. Nulli Secunda, which had been helping NCdot, has accidentally invaded Detorid, cascaded the aptly-named Cascade Imminent, and as a result has taken themselves off the NCdot side in the long term.
Yeah! all those Geminate, Vale and Tribute kills padding Nulli Secunda’s KB clearly show they are “deployed” down there. Do you believe all the shit you spew? Word is on the street is that TEST paid Nulli, using Goon funds to inadvertently get the two biggest Cascade corps to bail into NCDOT, adding Allies which were previously oblivious to this conflict. Macro-level war going quite smoothly. Go make an articles about it.
Gypsy Band likewise has left, complaining about a lack of euro-time ‘gudfites’. Solar Fleet is making steady assaults on NCdot moons in Geminate, Ev0ke fired its two best FCs over some inscrutable internal dispute and is mostly engaged in a fight against Solar anyway, and despite Elo Knight being a superstar not many Black Legion line members have been showing up to help NCdot. We own half of Tribute, all but four of Tribute’s tech moons, all of the NCdot techs that once were in Venal, and have managed to get even richer through all of this by keeping the Tech market artificially inflated due to to conflict.
This reminds me of a guy in Germany who desperately told himself stories of imaginary armies, Jesus commanders, awful contradictions and flawed alliances:
OF BOOTS, ROKHS AND LOKIS
With the upcoming changes to Heavy Missiles and the evolution of our fleet tactics, it’s
necessary for us to emphasize training for the following ships:
●Rokhs with T2 Railguns will eventually be replacing Maelstroms
You stopped shipping Maelstroms because of the step prices and the logistical stress on your JF pilots. Also, Battleship sized ships in a Blapping Dreads and bomber fleet rich environment? You guys are really thinking this one through… not.
The Rokhs you want to field cost about 300 mil, against the 60 mil it cost to fit a Drake, we’ll see how long will it pass until you switch back to Drakes again.
●Command Ships should become Boosting Lokis – we need more, badly.
Yes Command Ships are useful, welcome to 2007. Losing a Tech 3 is not fun, is expensive and requires re-training. Welcome to Elite PVP.
●Aim for a Dasboot Carrier – Archon or Thanatos with T2 Sentries
I won’t spoil anything, but there is a surprise in the works for this already.
Make no mistake, due to overwhelming numbers GoonSwarm Federation and Co will take over Tribute and maybe Vale (Space they didn’t wanted anyways, rite?). The DOT Brothers know this and they simply decided not to make it into another “special needs kid” success story for Goons.
I hope you all had enjoyed my “extended” version of GSF’s Propaganda Update and sweetened up kool-aid, I’ll eagerly wait for the next Propagannda Update to strip the lies and clear the smoke.
Until then, Adios!
- Daniel Agincourt